


theres no rule says two bros cant hug i havent seen a single sign sayin no bro hugs on this meteor

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Dave and Karkat are bored.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 31
Kudos: 226





	theres no rule says two bros cant hug i havent seen a single sign sayin no bro hugs on this meteor

DAVE: oh my god im so fucking bored  
KARKAT: I KNOW, DAVE.  
DAVE: what you dont know shit karkat you dont understand my plight  
KARKAT: YES I DO, DAVE, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT HOW FUCKING BORED YOU ARE ALL FUCKING DAY.  
KARKAT: YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AN UPDATE EVERY TEN MINUTES FOR THE PAST I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY HOURS.  
DAVE: oh hey sounds like you DONT know something  
KARKAT: YEAH DAVE, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. JUST BECAUSE I’VE LOST TRACK OF HOW LONG YOU’VE BEEN AN ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT, THE NUANCES OF YOUR BOREDOM HAVE BEEN RENDERED A COMPLETE MYSTERY TO ME.  
KARKAT: YOU ARE THE MASTER OF ENNUI AND NO MERE MORTAL CAN COMPREHEND YOUR WAYS.  
DAVE: now were talkin  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: YOU WANNA WATCH A MOVIE?  
DAVE: noo i am so sick and fucking tired of movies weve seen every one and they all suck karkat why the fuck didnt you download more  
KARKAT: I DOWNLOADED PLENTY, DAVE.  
KARKAT: I FUCKING *SAVED* OUR ASSES.  
KARKAT: *YOU’RE* THE ONE WHO LET US DOWN BECAUSE THE ONLY FUCKING MOVIES ON YOUR COMPUTER ARE A BUNCH OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE PUPPET SHOWS A ONE MINUTE SCREAMING FIT OF AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK THAT IS THE SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF “FILM.”  
KARKAT: AND THAT MESS IS  
KARKAT: AND FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I SAY THIS COMPLETELY WITHOUT HYPERBOLE  
KARKAT: THE LEAST WATCHABLE THING I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON.  
DAVE: hey now  
KARKAT: AND I COME FROM A PLACE WHERE GRUESOME STYLIZED MURDER WAS SOMETHING YOU’D SEE VERY REGULARLY, LIKE MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.  
DAVE: ok fine  
DAVE: i dont even wanna watch it anyway  
DAVE: you cant go examining your own work too much once its out in the world you gotta let that baby bird fly  
KARKAT: I’M NOT SURE IT’S FLYING, DAVE.  
DAVE: sure it is  
KARKAT: NOPE, IT’S ON THE GROUND DIRECTLY UNDER THE NEST.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE THE OTHER BABY BIRDS PUSHED IT.  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST A VAGUELY BIRD-SHAPED SPLATTER, DAVE.  
KARKAT: PURRBEASTS HAVE GATHERED AND ARE CURIOUSLY LICKING IT.  
DAVE: noo  
KARKAT: SORRY. IT’S THE WAY OF NATURE.  
DAVE: karkat the words have not yet been invented to describe how wrong you are right now  
KARKAT: OH SO THAT MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE A COMEBACK? VERY CONVENIENT.  
DAVE: i totally do im just waitin on my team of engineers to get the prototype back to me  
DAVE: theyre way behind schedule theyre tryna unionize karkat this isnt my fault  
KARKAT: HEY THIS IS PRETTY FUN, SHITTING ON YOUR STUFF.  
KARKAT: MAYBE THIS SHOULD BE THE DAY’S ACTIVITY. THERE’S A LOT OF POTENTIAL HERE, DAVE.  
DAVE: what no fuck you youve attacked that which i hold most dear karkat now im offended  
DAVE: im offended and betrayed and bored  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD.  
KARKAT: WHY DON’T *YOU* COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO DO?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ok i had an idea  
KARKAT: YEAH?  
DAVE: but its stupid  
KARKAT: SURELY NOT.  
DAVE: yeah it actually is  
DAVE: like certifiably so  
DAVE: and its not exactly like a big activity thats gonna while away the hours or anything  
KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?  
DAVE: no i... i feel weird saying it  
KARKAT: WELL NOW I FEEL PRETTY FUCKING WEIRD HEARING YOU *NOT* SAY IT, DAVE, SO CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IT IS?  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ?  
DAVE: god ok fine i guess i was wondering if  
DAVE: can i like  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: do you think i could like...  
KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD, DAVE, SPIT IT OUT!  
DAVE: can i touch your horns  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: MY HORNS??  
DAVE: yes?  
KARKAT: WHY??  
DAVE: wait  
DAVE: oh fuck  
DAVE: thats not like  
DAVE: a sexual thing  
DAVE: is it  
KARKAT: WHAT?? NO!!  
DAVE: oh thank god  
DAVE: cuz i didnt mean it like that  
KARKAT: WELL IT’S NOT!!!  
DAVE: ok good  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: that is a big fucking relief believe me  
KARKAT: GOOD!  
DAVE: but it is weird isnt it  
DAVE: im getting strong fucking vibes that its weird  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, IT’S NOT!  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: really?  
KARKAT: FUCK.  
KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS?  
KARKAT: IT’S NOT A WEIRD THING TO *DO!*  
KARKAT: BUT IT *IS* A PRETTY FUCKING WEIRD THING TO ASK.  
KARKAT: IT’S LIKE... IT’S LIKE ME ASKING YOU IF I CAN TOUCH YOUR EARS.  
DAVE: you can totally touch my ears dude its fine  
KARKAT: UGH. THANKS DAVE, THAT MEANS A LOT, TRULY.  
KARKAT: BUT DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?  
KARKAT: IT’S LIKE... IT’S *SO* BENIGN THAT YOU ASKING SO CAREFULLY AND HESITANTLY MAKES IT SOUND UH...  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW...  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT DAVE IT SOUNDS...  
KARKAT: KIND OF PERVY.  
DAVE: oh fuck  
DAVE: oh fuck im sorry i was seriously not going for pervy karkat that was not at ALL the intended vibe  
KARKAT: I FUCKING HOPE NOT!  
DAVE: i guess i was just uh  
DAVE: curious  
DAVE: like its not normal for me at all  
DAVE: or benign  
DAVE: its just cool and different and uh  
DAVE: i donno just something thats so YOU if that makes any fucking sense oh my god im not explaining this well at all  
DAVE: ugh im sorry  
DAVE: this got weird didnt it  
DAVE: yeah it did it got really fucking weird  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: forget i said anything  
KARKAT: UGH, NO.  
KARKAT: IT’S OK, DAVE.  
KARKAT: YOU CAN UH...  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: YOU CAN TOUCH THEM.  
DAVE: no i dont want to now it got too weird its just gonna creep you out  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD DAVE HOW CAN I STRESS MORE TO YOU THAT THE ONLY *POSSIBLE* WAY YOU CAN MAKE THIS WEIRDER IS BY MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT?  
KARKAT: WE ARE ALREADY TEETERING PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE EDGE OF IRRETRIEVABLE WEIRDNESS AS IT IS.  
KARKAT: SO CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY BEFORE IT TURNS INTO THIS WHOLE “THING” THAT HAUNTS US FOREVER AND GAINS A LOT OF BIZARRE WEIGHT IT DOESN’T DESERVE??  
DAVE: oh uh  
DAVE: yeah i guess i can do that  
KARKAT: GOOD! GO AHEAD!  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: hehe  
DAVE: here i go i guess  
KARKAT: HOLY FUCK DAVE DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS ALLEVIATING THE WEIRDNESS?  
KARKAT: BECAUSE HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU!  
DAVE: sorry  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: man well now im all fuckin nervous  
KARKAT: DAVE!  
DAVE: ok ok fine  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: huh  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: theyre... theyre so smooth  
KARKAT: SMOOTH? THAT’S ALL YOU GOT?  
DAVE: oh now whos makin it weird?  
KARKAT: UGH.  
DAVE: haha but yeah seriously they are easily at least five times smoother than i expected  
DAVE: you dont like buff them do you  
KARKAT: NO I DON’T FUCKING BUFF THEM, ARE YOU CRAZY?  
DAVE: god damn dude you know i dont know the first thing about troll hygiene  
DAVE: you could just as easily have said are you shitting me dave how dare you insinuate i dont buff my horns on the daily  
DAVE: that was literally exactly as likely in my mind you gotta understand  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: NO, I DON’T REALLY DO ANYTHING TO THEM. THEY’RE JUST... THERE.  
KARKAT: BEING NUBBY AND STUPID.  
DAVE: aww karkat do you have a small horn complex  
KARKAT: NO I FUCKING DON’T!  
DAVE: oh no im sorry bro if its any consolation i dont think you should  
DAVE: theyre cool as hell  
KARKAT: UH HUH.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: you know you actually can touch my ears if you want  
KARKAT: DAVE, FOR SOMEBODY WHO WAS WORRIED ABOUT “MAKING THINGS WEIRD” YOU’RE DOING A PISS POOR JOB OF DOING LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT THAT.  
DAVE: come on we both agreed ears arent weird  
DAVE: in fact i think we agreed theyre the prototypical not weird body part  
DAVE: the sliced bread of sensory implements  
DAVE: the vanilla of head adornments  
DAVE: the coldplay of cartilage based organs  
KARKAT: I’M GOOD, DAVE, REALLY.  
DAVE: you sure about that  
DAVE: theyre some prime ears karkat  
DAVE: the finest human ear specimens youre ever gonna find  
KARKAT: DAVE, THE ONLY HUMAN EAR SPECIMENS I HAVE ANY POSSIBILITY OF FINDING ARE YOURS AND ROSE’S, AND THE TWO OF YOU HAVE THE SAME FUCKING GENES.  
DAVE: naw mine are better trust me  
KARKAT: OK I TRUST YOU.  
DAVE: no cmon just try it  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, DAVE?  
KARKAT: WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO TOUCH YOUR EARS SO BADLY?  
KARKAT: THIS ISN’T...  
KARKAT: THIS ISN’T *ACTUALLY* A SEX THING FOR HUMANS, IS IT??  
DAVE: what no  
DAVE: god dammit no  
DAVE: just why the fuck not this situations already weird as hell how much worse could it get  
KARKAT: I THINK WE’D BOTH BE SURPRISED.  
DAVE: hahaha  
KARKAT: UGH. OK. IF I DO IT WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?  
DAVE: maybe  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: yeah definitely  
KARKAT: FINE!  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YEP THOSE ARE EARS ALRIGHT. WAY TOO SHORT AND ROUND BUT DEFINITELY EARS.  
KARKAT: I’M SO GLAD I GOT TO EXPERIENCE THIS BEFORE I DIED. THANK YOU, DAVE.  
DAVE: youre welcome  
KARKAT: UGH WE MUST LOOK SO STUPID RIGHT NOW.  
DAVE: haha oh my god i bet  
DAVE: jesus what if terezi walks in right now and gets a noseful of this scene  
DAVE: how the fuck are we gonna explain this  
KARKAT: WE’RE GOING TO TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH WHICH IS THAT YOU INSISTED ON BOTH SIDES OF THIS INSANELY STUPID SETUP AND I ONLY WENT ALONG WITH IT TO STOP YOUR INCESSANT WHINING.  
DAVE: haha yeah good luck with that im denyin everything  
DAVE: karkat who  
DAVE: never even met the guy  
DAVE: whats a troll?  
DAVE: holy shit are we in SPACE?  
KARKAT: DAVE, DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T BE EMBARRASSED OUT OF YOUR MIND IF SOMEBODY ACTUALLY WALKED IN ON US LIKE THIS.  
KARKAT: THIS IS DECIDEDLY UNCOOL AND, TO BORROW A PHRASE YOU LOVE SO MUCH, A LITTLE GAY.  
DAVE: yeah maybe it is...  
KARKAT: WHICH?  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: both?  
KARKAT: OH. YEAH.  
DAVE: ok youre right ill stop  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: OK...  
KARKAT: UM.  
KARKAT: GOOD.  
DAVE: wait  
DAVE: oh my god!  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: karkat holy shit  
KARKAT: ????  
DAVE: my hands  
DAVE: i cant  
DAVE: i cant move them  
KARKAT: WHAT???  
DAVE: i cant let go  
DAVE: the smoothness  
DAVE: its  
DAVE: its too powerful  
KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU.  
DAVE: no really karkat its...  
DAVE: its pulling me in!  
DAVE: karkat are you controlling this stop it let me go man  
KARKAT: DAVE THIS IS THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE KIND OF ABSURD.  
DAVE: hey man youre the one turned on your freaky horn powers so i cant leave  
KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE HORN POWERS DAVE, AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT.  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: yeah but youre not lettin go either and i know for a FACT i havent turned on my ear powers  
DAVE: trust me youd notice  
KARKAT: I AM 99 PERCENT SURE YOU DON’T HAVE EAR POWERS, DAVE.  
DAVE: hey you never know  
KARKAT: I’M PRETTY SURE I DO.  
KARKAT: AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN’T STOPPED IS BECAUSE IF SOMEBODY DOES WALK IN I DON’T WANT YOU TO JUST BE TOUCHING ME.  
KARKAT: THAT SEEMS MORE... INDECENT.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: yeah i get that  
DAVE: ...god maybe this IS really fucking weird and stupid  
KARKAT: I MEAN, IT DEFINITELY IS, DAVE.  
KARKAT: THIS IS A PATENTLY WEIRD AND STUPID SITUATION.  
DAVE: yeah i know  
DAVE: im sorry  
DAVE: i just...  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: no its stupid  
KARKAT: DAVE, WE’VE USED THE WORD “STUPID” TO DESCRIBE THIS SETUP SO MANY TIMES IN THE PAST FIVE MINUTES IT’S COMPLETELY LOST ITS MEANING.  
KARKAT: WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE ABOUT TO SAY ISN’T GOING TO ABUSE THAT POOR WORD ANY MORE.  
DAVE: ok look um  
DAVE: i guess  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: i guess i just kinda fucking like being close to you sometimes ok  
KARKAT: ...OH.  
DAVE: like we accidentally and casually do it every now and then and its nice so i just thought maybe we could do it  
DAVE: ...not accidentally  
DAVE: and yeah at the risk of beating that word to death i know thats stupid and also weird that word has been gettin a workout too its gonna be buff as hell by the end of this fucking conversation  
DAVE: but if we just go full stupid and weird and you just touch my ears which we already agreed is a ridiculous and meaningless and stupid and weird thing to do  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: its easier  
DAVE: for me  
DAVE: ok?  
KARKAT: ...OK.  
DAVE: but yeah youre right i guess if anybody walks in on us were never gonna hear the fucking end of it  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: fuck it  
KARKAT: ???  
DAVE: just put your arms around me like this  
KARKAT: ...WHAT IS THIS DAVE?  
DAVE: its a hug karkat goddamn keep up  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I’M REALLY NOT SURE THIS IS ANY LESS COMPROMISING THAN THE LAST SCENE, DAVE.  
DAVE: man i dont give a shit about compromising this is just so nobody walks in on you feelin up my ears and tellin the whole meteor you got an ear fetish  
DAVE: im doin this for you karkat  
KARKAT: HEH. THANKS DAVE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’D DO WITHOUT YOU.  
DAVE: youd be so lost bro seriously  
KARKAT: HEH.  
DAVE: ha  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: this is pretty nice  
DAVE: ...isnt it?  
KARKAT: YEAH, IT IS.  
KARKAT: I MEAN I THINK SO TOO.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: right  
DAVE: i mean it is  
DAVE: nice  
KARKAT: HAHA. YEAH.  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: we could just do this sometimes you know  
DAVE: like if we want  
KARKAT: YEAH?  
DAVE: hell yeah theres no rule says two bros cant hug  
DAVE: i havent seen a single sign sayin no bro hugs on this meteor  
DAVE: and if there are any theyre well hidden thats shady as hell i think wed have grounds to sue karkat  
KARKAT: HAHA.  
DAVE: seriously though um  
DAVE: we could like  
DAVE: put a movie on and just stay like this  
KARKAT: LIKE THIS?  
DAVE: uh yeah i guess  
DAVE: unless you dont want to  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT *YOU* DIDN’T WANT TO.  
KARKAT: WATCH A MOVIE, I MEAN.  
DAVE: yeah well i had a change of heart ok now it sounds kinda nice  
KARKAT: OH.  
DAVE: do uh...  
DAVE: do you not want to?  
KARKAT: NO I DO!  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST... WE’RE FACING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. AND NEITHER OF THOSE DIRECTIONS IS POINTED AT THE SCREEN.  
DAVE: shit well obviously well have to adjust a little  
DAVE: get the compass and the slide rule out put that team of engineers i got on it they did unionize after all but theyre a good bunch of guys theyll get the job done  
DAVE: no expense will be spared to make sure we both have a clear line of sight to whatever shitass romcom you pick and still remain in an optimal state of hug sitting  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: HUG SITTING.  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: HAHAHA OH MY GOD, DAVE!  
KARKAT: *HUG SITTING??*  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE UP A TROLL WORD? IT KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE.  
DAVE: yeah well maybe i am  
DAVE: do you guys call it that i bet you fucking do  
KARKAT: NO WE FUCKING DON’T! WE JUST CALL IT, I DONNO...  
KARKAT: CUDDLING!  
DAVE: ugh no thats so much worse hug sitting is better than that  
DAVE: anythings better than that  
KARKAT: HONESTLY I’M SURPRISED YOU WENT THAT ROUTE.  
KARKAT: GIVEN YOUR USUAL WORD PALETTE I’D EXPECT SOMETHING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF I DONNO...  
KARKAT: BRO CLINGING.  
DAVE: holy shit no  
KARKAT: DUDE HOLDING.  
DAVE: are you fucking kidding me  
KARKAT: BUDDY CRADLING.  
DAVE: jesus christ  
DAVE: karkat ok full disclosure i have about twenty different psychological hangups im trying very hard to repress right now and not a single one of these words is helping  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: RIGHT.  
DAVE: so can you please just pick a movie and put it on and come hug sit with me like the good lord intended  
KARKAT: YEAH. SURE.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: UM. HOW ABOUT 27 DRESSES?  
DAVE: great sounds perfect  
DAVE: now get over here  
KARKAT: OK  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: comfy?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: ARE YOU?  
DAVE: yeah man i am  
KARKAT: GOOD.  
DAVE: just to be sure tho well run it by the engineers later once they get back from their five weeks paid vacation  
KARKAT: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH HUMAN KATHERINE HEIGL!  
DAVE: haha ok  
KARKAT: OK.  



End file.
